Living Life Backward

As I think about my purpose, and who I am, and all of those other deep, philosophical and existential questions, I wonder if I am living my life backward?

People discuss the awkwardness of the middle school years, and trying to be popular and figure out identity, and I think that I knew more about who I was then, than I do now!

I was much more sure of my abilities, and not trying to prove anything to anyone back then.

But now. . .

Now as I approach the threshold of the next decade, I am less sure of my abilities, and more aware that I might need to prove my purpose. 

Insecurities rise quickly, pushing doubt to the front of the line.  As I make my way into new spaces, I wonder if I will ever fit in?  Am I too different? 

I know there are things to be done, fears to be dealt with.  I don't know if I will be able to overcome those fears, but I cannot let them block the path moving forward either.  I have to walk side by side with fear, keeping pace, learning to understand why it is here.  Knowing that with understanding, the fear is less powerful and I am more.  I grow in wisdom, knowledge, strength and courage.

Ready or not, middle school here I come!